DJ T-1000 Rocks The Holy Land.

Back from Tel Aviv. Wow, what an exotic place. I'd never been there before and it wasn't what I expected.

I guess needless to say it's a motherfucker actually getting past customs, first of all. These people ask you all kinds of questions, like your parents names, who you know in Israel, how you met them, etc. Now I see where the USA is getting its ideas as far as Homeland Security, but America still isn't as bad as Israel...yet. I mean, we have a little thing that Israel doesn't, called the Constitution.

Don't we?

The city itself reminded me a lot of Mexico City. Same heat, same architecture, same dirtiness. Couldn't live there though; everything's in Hebrew with barely any sub-titles for foreigners. Only the streets have English underneath the Hebrew, not the businesses themselves.

It was also cool to see Hebrew characters tricked out in hyper-modern fonts.

The Israeli women are out of control. They own that town, I swear. They walk around the city like fertility goddesses. I haven't seen so many curves, hips, big tits and asses flying around in my life. A lot of the girls wear those hippie-style summer dresses, and their full hips make them sway in the breeze. I did see a few tall, traditional model and porno-types, but on the whole, Israeli women are sexy in that "let's have a zillion babies" way. These girls aren't Orthodox, either. I saw my share of thongs peeking up over low-slung jeans and shit.

You gotta remember that all young Israelis have to do two years in the army, so these chicks come out looking hot, just destroying shit.

Oh, and there are plenty of black people there too, Ethiopians and other Africans, as well as a few Americans.

The gig itself started off shaky. The promoters had lost their venue two days before I arrived and had to move the party to an outdoor venue. When we got there they were just setting up the DJ area at 2 am. The promoter tried to sway me by taking me to ANOTHER club down the street while his sound guys set up. It was wild. This club was more commercial and the chicks were just killin'. I think I made my bottom lip sore from biting it so hard.

Finally got on the decks at 3 am. I figure there were about 200 people there. I tore it up, if I do say so myself. The was a wall of girls right up front, screaming and dancing the whole time. About three-quarters of the way through, I dropped "I Wanna Be Adored" by the Stone Roses. The look of confusion on their faces was priceless. Soon as the drums kicked in, though, they went crazy. This one chick ran up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and ran off. I specifically asked them to record the set, but in the confusion of changing venues, nobody brought anything to record it with. Sigh, one more thing I have to buy.

Next day was beach time! My hotel was a block away from it. I was chillin' like Whitney and Bobby. The promoters picked me up late that night and took me to a club called Lima-Lima. They were playing hip-hop there. Chicks were hot, music was funky, and the promoters kept the alcohol flowing. A few people who were there the night before came up to me and gave me props. Stayed there for a little bit, then off to get some sleep before hitting the airport.

Ride back was hell, very hot and overcrowded, Tel Aviv-Milan-Berlin, but I managed. I know, poor baby. I flew Alitalia, which means they issued Northwest miles which I can use later.

Back in Berlin now. So beautiful and warm today. Global warming is real, I'm convinced. I remember when Al Gore was talking about it in the mid-'90s they scoffed. Now it's like 67 Fahrenheit or so in late September in Europe. Crazy.